


In The Name Of Science!

by Indelible_Faith (TheWaterGoddess)



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Magic Exists, Magic Gone Wrong, Male to Female body change, The Gosho Boys (Meitantei Conan), magic and science really dont mix well, really this is just a crack fic, this is not how science works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25038556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWaterGoddess/pseuds/Indelible_Faith
Summary: “It was an experiment,” Akako hesitated, “A controlled, science experiment.”“Yeah?” Kaito shouted, “I thought you’d have realised by now that Magic and Science don’t mix!”In which Akako and Ai deicide to collaborate their efforts, Shinichi is a long-suffering spectator, Kaito is furious and Saguru ends up paying the price.
Relationships: Hakuba Saguru & Hattori Heiji & Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan & Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid, Hakuba Saguru & Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan, Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan & Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid
Comments: 4
Kudos: 69





	In The Name Of Science!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyShadowMage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShadowMage/gifts).



> This one’s been collecting dust in my folder since years, since i first started writing this in response to a prompt given by LadyShadowMage. Guess today is the day I sort through my fanfic list huh.
> 
> Also, this has a lot of plot holes, I know. But don't expect any continuation to this lmao.
> 
> PS: This is NOT how science works. Suspension of disbelief required.

“He or she?”

“What?” Saguru snapped irately at the Osakan he’d never really gotten along with.

“A ‘he’, I’d presume,” Shinichi answered for him, completely drained by the transpirations, “Hakuba hasn’t really changed fundamentally, just… er…”

“Physically.” Saguru bit out, “Go ahead and say it, Kudo-kun. This is _fact_. Reality. Scientifically proven. Genetically mapped out. DNA tested –”

“Wow, yer really winded, ain’t ya?” Heiji said, clasping his hand on Hakuba’s shoulder in sympathy, which was promptly knocked off.

“Shut up.” Saguru said, “I’d really like to see how _you_ would fare in such a situation! With your hot-headed temperament, I’m certain you’d –”

“Hey!” Heiji interjected, “I’ve been in far more supernatural situations than ya have, ya inconsiderate –”

“Oh for Kami-sama’s sake, both of you!” Shinichi groaned, “As if I didn’t have to listen to Kuroba dishing it out early morning – and he’s _still_ going at it; do you have to carry out your never-ending feud right now?”

Sure enough, at the other end of the room, Kuroba Kaito, teen magician and generally amicable young man, was red in the face – one could almost see the proverbial steam coming out of his ears – so long that he’d been berating his classmate and only witch of his acquaintance, Koizumi Akako.

“What in the world were you thinking?! Couldn’t you see how wrong it could go, in so many freaking ways!”

Seated a bit ways further from the pair, Haibara Ai, shrunken scientist and the co-conspirator of this plan, sniffed delicately, looking thoroughly miffed at the failure of the experiment.

“We didn’t quite mean for this to happen,” Akako hesitated, obviously wary of setting him off further, “He wasn’t even the target! It was only an experiment – a controlled, science experiment!” 

“Yeah?” Kaito shouted, “Doesn’t look so much in control to me right now! I thought you’d have realised by now that Magic and Science don’t mix!” 

Back with his fellow detectives, Shinichi exhaled a long-suffering sigh, “For what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry, Hakuba.”

Saguru just let out a grunt – a very unfeminine one at that – and set about rearranging his shirt over his now disproportionate chest. The buttons strained against his body and he was never more thankful for wearing a suit; the coat was large enough to properly button up and still look decent.

“I’m going home,” Saguru said, refusing to sound like a pouting four-year old. He was entitled to a bit of sulking, dammit! And he wanted to be as far away from here – _from them_ – as possible.

“I’ll drive you,” said Shinichi immediately, eager to get away.

“And I’ll – ah,” Heiji paused, realising he had no excuse.

“No one is going anywhere,” Haibara said before they could leave, “Hakuba-kun, truly it is regrettable that this had to occur, but you weren’t the intended target for the potion.”

“I can see that.” Saguru glanced at the mouse hiding in the corner of the room, from where it had escaped being a labrat. 

“So, the most important thing to do no would be to make sure nothing has… ah.”

“Gone wrong?” Kaito finished helpfully, “Yeah, let’s ascertain that, shall we? Yo, Hakuba, take off your shirt and let’s show these lovely ladies just how much _hasn’t gone wrong_.”

“Mind you,” Akako sniped back, “As far as I’m concerned, _those_ are an improvement.”

Hakuba’s face pinked. Shinichi and Heiji let out a sigh. Well, there they went again. In the ensuing scuffle, Hakuba had tried to bash Kaito over the head once, Haibara had poured out a cup of tea to sip at and Akako had erected a large barrier to protect herself from the various projectiles lobbed at her courtesy of one furious magician. 

By the time things had calmed down, the only ones who hadn’t moved from their seats were Hattori Heiji and Kudo Shinichi.

“Okay, Hattori and his illogical mind believing in magic I can gel with,” said Saguru as he looked at them with narrowed eyes, “but why are you taking this so calmly, Kudo?” 

“I have literally shrunk to a third of my size,” Shinichi pointed out, “multiple times. I think I’m a little immune to that now.”

“Can attest ta that,” Heiji agreed.

That made Saguru pause. “Shrunk… yes!” His voice was loud enough that it brought a halt to all the bickering, eyes landing on him. He beckoned them closer and placed his hands on his distinctly wider hips. 

“I have had an epiphany.” Saguru announced, “My good friend Kudo just gave me an invaluable piece of information.”

“He did?” Heiji squinted at Shinichi, who shrugged in response.

“All things in this world are reversible –” Saguru said, ignoring Heiji.

“Except death.”

“ _Now_ is not the time to be philosophical, Kudo – and those that are not,” Saguru continued, “simply haven’t been discovered yet. So,” he paused ominously, looking appropriately threatening – all glamours of Akako’s pale beauty ripped from in front of his eyes, whether it was due o the transformation into a female or his recent treatment by the woman, it wasn’t quite clear. “You _will_ find a way to undo this.”

There was a delicate pause in which Akako coughed lightly. “Ahem, about that…”

“We already know how to break this scientific spell,” said Haibara when Akako didn’t.

Kaito gaped, “What the hell have you been doing all this while then?”

Shinichi groaned, “Oh dear, I’m not going to like what the solution is, will I?”

“It’s not like you have to do anything!” said Haibara.

“I will have to bear witness to all this!”

“Well?” demanded Saguru, “What is it? Neither of you have mentioned what it will take to end this nightmare.”

“It’s simple, we just have to give your body a shock,” replied Akako. She waited to see their reactions, “A shock in the sense of experiencing what one wouldn’t usually experience as a man.”

Saguru looked blankly at the two women. “Elaborate.”

They glanced at each other. “You’re not a woman, you see–”

“I know that.”

“– and your body doesn’t matter that way, even if it looks like a woman’s… so to give it a shock – if it just performs bodily functions of a woman – do you understand what I’m saying?”

There was a dawning realisation settling over Saguru’s face. “Oh no, oh _goodness_ – you mean, I must wait a whole _month_ to undo this curse?!”

Kaito screeched as he understood the implications, while Heiji had rolled off his chair laughing. Shinichi simply pushed his face into a pillow and sighed. At least no one was going to walk into Akako and Haibara’s joint laboratory uninvited after today.

**Author's Note:**

> ... yes, the solution is exactly what you think. I don't think i've packed so many (kind of?) vulgar jokes in a fic before. First time for all things I suppose :D
> 
> Lemme know how you liked it! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!


End file.
